Mihir: So for the next few paragraphs, Mallini is going to try and sell just how EASY and QUICK it is to make Coca-Cola Tofu. DO NOT BE FOOLED. This was easily the most complicated thing I've made since coming to DC. Prep time was over 1.5 hours!
Mallini: Ummm...allow me to point out that
it is REALLY REALLY EASY if and I'm sure this will apply to all, you have more
than a SINGLE pot in your kitchen. It's cheat-Chinese cooking at it's finest.
Mihir: I told you she'd try to sell it.
Step 1 was to take the tofu out of its packaging, and dry it before frying it.
Here's where my misfortune begins... my tofu had frozen to adopt the structural
integrity of a diamond, but the value of coal
Mallini: Oh good grief...you're such a
drama queen. First off, I'm sure anyone who'd want to attempt this recipe would
know that they needed to DEFROST the tofu first before doing anything else.
Now, he says just 'dry it'. Which isn't entirely true (explains why he failed
soo badly in the first place).
Mihir: YOU NEVER TOLD ME ABOUT DEFROSTING
IT!! Eitherway, so while I struggled with iced tofu and attempted to cut it
into pieces, Ms. Perfect here was far ahead of me, making sizzling noises and
looking happy with herself
Mallini: It's common sense you half-baked
walnut!!! Nevermind, you looked very cute cursing and swearing at the poor
block of tofu. Now, before you try to pan fry anything, make sure you wrap the
tofu up in lots of kitchen towels and get someone to sit on it. Or just weigh
it down with plates. This makes it firmer and easier to fry later. :)
Mihir: There are fully-baked walnuts out
there? So instead of frying it, I decided to boil my tofu. This didn't reduce
the taste (which I must say was worth the work).
Mallini: You're supposed to toast walnuts.
Brings out their flavour and makes them crispier. Anyways, he took the cheat
route. My way makes for more texture.
Mihir: If you say so. Moving on, we started
to chop up vegetables. Red peppers, onion, garlic, mushroom, cauliflowers and
the such all went in, in my case... and i wound with with too many vegetables
to fit in my pot...
Mallini: You always had a problem with
portion estimation.
Mihir: Hmph. So once again, Mallini was off
making sizzling noises and stir frying her veggies in, and I quote "3
slugs of soy sauce", whilst I was stuck trying to move my tightly packed
vegetables around in my very small pot
Mallini: Hahahaha!! Oh if only we had made
a recording. I haven't heard you swear soo much before! But yes, you chop up
button mushroms, red peppers, an onion, and some ginger. Mince some garlic
really finely and throw that into your screaming hot oil. Add the mushrooms and
let them brown a bit before adding the rest of the veggies and stir-frying. FUN
FACT. Did you know that if you overcrowd a pan with mushrooms they won’t brown?
Mihir:... I found that out from personal
experience. By this point, I had somewhat managed to move my veggies around,
after removing some of them. As the sauce got a bit thicker, I took a sip out
from my coke (sponsored by Roti), and poured the rest in. That did well to
quieten the sizzling, which by this point was alarming my roommate
Mallini: I forgot to ask, what did you do
with the veggies that were removed from the pot?
Mihir:... that's fine, it's ok if you don't
know that...
Mallini: ...OK! So, when the onions go
translucent put in 3 good slugs of soy sauce (that's official, proper,
totally-not-made-up cooking terminology, just FYI) and let that sizzle.
Finally, add about 1/2 a cup of cola and simmer it down to a nice thick sauce.
Mihir: And for the slower ones of us, you
should be done with that around................................Now.
Mallini: Oh come on, be honest. It wasn’t
that bad. We even finished at about the same time!
Mihir: Yea, and hour and a half after we
started!!! At that rate of cooking, I'd never get any work done. I'll admit,
this sauce tasted GREAT though. Pour over the tofu, and eat as fast as you can
(i managed to spill some on my t-shirt, and it stains!)
Mallini: It DOES NOT take an hour an half.
Mind you dear reader, I sent most of my time waiting for the drama king to stop
screeching at his lone pot. But yes, Serve up over a pile of steaming hot rice
and enjoy. A dish for vegetarians all around. And I've never had a carnivore
say no to it either! And it takes an hour. TOPS.
Happy eating!!
